I have really struggled with this idea. Not just in doing
physical things, but in many things. I often lack confidence in my abilities,
and so, sabotage myself and convince myself I can’t do things. A prime example
is running. In the fall of 2012 I
decided that I needed to lose some weight and get in shape, but I didn’t want
to commit to anything that cost money, like a workout program or gym
membership, because I’d spent lots of money on things to get in shape that just
ended up collecting dust or getting donated when I didn’t use them. SO, I
downloaded an app with the idea that I would train for a 5K. I think I lasted 2
weeks.
The first week you were supposed to alternate running 1
minute and walking 1 ½ minutes for a total of 20 minutes. I thought I would
die. Each of those minutes I was supposed to run felt like forever as I
struggled to breathe and my heart pounded so hard I thought it would beat out
of my chest. Then I got sick, and quickly used that as my excuse to quit.
Fast forward almost 2 years. I’d been working out, doing
21Day Fix, for a couple months. Someone in my FB accountability group posted a
link for a 5K Color Run and asked who was going. I took the challenge. That
night I opened that app and tried that first week workout again…and it was
easy!! I followed the plan and ran my first 5K 10 weeks later, in November 2014.
Around the same time that I had started training, I got an
invitation to join a Facebook group called The 300 Day Project. The point was
to challenge ourselves to do something difficult. Several people chose to train
for a ½ marathon. I chose to stick with my plan to run a 5K, and then to run a
10K.
Well, after I ran that first 5K, and my second a couple
weeks later, I decided it was too hard –I convinced myself I couldn’t do it. I
gave excuses about my knees (which weren’t entirely untrue), and told everyone
that I just had no desire to do it….rather than the truth that I just didn’t
think I could. I tried another 5K in
January and it felt just as horrible as the first two, so I felt justified in
my decision to quit.
Then in March, my sister told me that she had bibs for me to
run a 5K and a 10K at Disneyland with her in May. I couldn’t say no, but I
really didn’t believe I could do it, and again gave excuses so she wouldn’t be disappointed
or too surprised if I didn’t finish.
I ran those races this past weekend. BOTH of them! As we
walked from our hotel to the starting line of the 10K on Saturday, I was still
saying I just hoped I could run 4 of the 6.2 miles, because my knees were sore
from the day before, and I didn’t sleep well, and I’d never run more than 4
miles, blah, blah, blah. My sister kept telling me I was gonna be awesome and
that I was totally gonna rock it. I didn’t believe her.
As they counted down the start, I hit go on my running app,
the first song in the shuffle was Carry On Wayward Son – my Dad’s song. Since
his passing, my dad has, on more than one occasion, made his presence known
through this song and a couple others. Standing at that starting line, I KNEW
it was his way of telling me, “You’ve totally got this!” And THAT was exactly what I needed. For the
first time instead of thinking, “I hope I can” I was thinking “I can” and “I
will”. From mile 2 on, my knees were telling me to stop, but I just couldn’t do
it.
It wasn’t fast, but I did it! I fought tears as I crossed
the finish line. Except for my knees, I felt energized and like I could keep
going. For the first time, I could envision myself going further – running a
half marathon. Even one step further,
running a 10K and a ½ marathon in the
same weekend – just like my sister was about to do. I suddenly saw myself
capable of so much more than I had ever allowed myself to think possible. I broke
through a barrier I had placed on myself as I crossed that finish line – and I
was suddenly excited about my possibilities! Not just in running, but in other
areas of my life as well.
Now I’m not gonna lie, my knees are going to be an issue,
but they are an issue that I WILL find a solution for because I AM going to do
this!!
